Triple Entendre

ourlifeinpink: our beautiful boy johann turns two. his sister...

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 02:04:21 -0400

our beautiful boy johann turns two. his sister ALMOST made her entrance that day too, but decided to let her brother have his day. :)

Your Waiter Hates You #2: I love people that can’t...

Sun, 14 Aug 2011 14:50:00 -0400

Your Waiter Hates You #2: I love people that can’t communicate to each other at a table.

Person: “I’d like the nachos, and ______________, and ___________ as an appetizer.”

Me: “Oh, ma’am, okay - just so you know, that the other person at your table ordered nachos as a main course.”

Person: “Really? Okay, one second… (insert foreign language here) That’s fine, we’ll take two.”

I LOVE THAT YOU ORDER TWO, and I specifically discriminate your order for you in that you are ordering one as an appetizer and main course… and then you go to tell me, that YOU ORDERED ONE AS AN APPETIZER and the other person ate the APPETIZER as his MAIN MEAL during APPETIZERS.

In modern gastronomic civilization, that’s called a 3-course meal.

And the dialogue gets worse.

Person: “Do you know why it’s so cold in here? It’s so cold I can’t even chew…”

Me: “Oh, okay…”

Person: “No, it’s not okay. I’d like to see your manager. I mean look at everyone, they all have their jackets on. No one can eat.”

OH OKAY, QUEEN.

This MAN obviously had small ball syndrome. Oh, and don’t go and proceed to go and yell at the 4’11” hostess because she apparently told you 45 minutes for the A/C to work. Look at the building, do I need to explain physics?

FUCKING IDIOT ASSHOLE!

What a bad idea. Just kidding, totally #winning with #hellokitty...

Tue, 26 Jul 2011 19:54:12 -0400

What a bad idea. Just kidding, totally #winning with #hellokitty #fannypack I promise not to wear this in your presence, if you’re uncomfortable. (Taken with Instagram at Westfield Valley Fair)

#foodporn Best sandwich EVAR! (Taken with Instagram at Nordstrom...

Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:29:55 -0400

#foodporn Best sandwich EVAR! (Taken with Instagram at Nordstrom Cafe Bistro)

I found a date at #Costco and it’s only $30 #bear #book...

Mon, 25 Jul 2011 20:28:34 -0400

I found a date at #Costco and it’s only $30 #bear #book (Taken with Instagram at Costco - Mountain View)

Back to Black

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 17:15:00 -0400

I, like the rest of the world was so shocked when she died. People can say they saw it coming, but I could never stick to that. It’s troubling for people to say, because some part of these people didn’t know what it was like to be co-dependent on something in their life.

I could never wish, predict, or tell death to someone.

The more and more I think about her passing, it gets sad, tragic and oddly personal - because, she reminds me of my father. He was a person who taught me to let go of my judgments on people with addiction. He was addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, and gambling. Life was complicated for him, and that carried through to his heart, and his death.

When I was young, I used to be mad at my father for abandoning me, but through the years, I realized he had some stuff in his life that held him back. I ended up being the second of five kids, and maybe it was my place in line that puts me at this spot today.

I think the lesson in humanity here is that you can’t condemn someone for things that you may never know about. It’s like kindergarten, if you don’t get the chance to listen, you might not have any room to talk.

In retrospect, I knew Amy as much as I knew my father - most of it was secondhand, but parts were personal. Being a fan, I knew her beautiful, raw voice—her immense talent. The way that drugs aside, her nervousness and shyness when she sang made it oddly endearing to watch her.

I remember watching the Grammys when she performed via satellite. Beyond the craziness, you could see that she was honestly overjoyed to win. It always somehow felt like she might not have known her own talent. She had a charisma and a beauty through her exterior that made such a raw talent to watch. I will miss being able to love hearing her voice live, just as much as I will always miss out on having the chance to reconnect with my father.

I hope that she finds a better place in the world now.

#nowplaying (Taken with Instagram at Wendy’s)

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 05:29:11 -0400

#nowplaying (Taken with Instagram at Wendy’s)

Dinner! Tonight’s theme is dipping. Edamame, samosas and...

Sat, 23 Jul 2011 22:15:25 -0400

Dinner! Tonight’s theme is dipping. Edamame, samosas and fries. Variety is the spice of life, didn’t you know? LOL #foodporn (Taken with Instagram at Cheesecake Factory)

Don’t try to throw my parasol down, now. (Taken with...

Mon, 18 Jul 2011 04:05:21 -0400

Don’t try to throw my parasol down, now. (Taken with Instagram at Parasol Up/Down at Wynn Las Vegas)

Taken with Instagram at Louis Vuitton - Crystals @ City Center

Sat, 16 Jul 2011 20:26:57 -0400

Taken with Instagram at Louis Vuitton - Crystals @ City Center

Sat, 16 Jul 2011 20:25:25 -0400

Taken with Instagram at Louis Vuitton - Crystals @ City Center

What rich bitches stab their husbands who’ve been bad...

Sat, 16 Jul 2011 20:07:23 -0400

What rich bitches stab their husbands who’ve been bad with. #knives #Porsche (Taken with Instagram at Porsche Design - Crystals @ City Center)

Hello, lover. (Taken with Instagram at Harry Winston)

Sat, 16 Jul 2011 19:58:02 -0400

Hello, lover. (Taken with Instagram at Harry Winston)

Asian driver or golf player? (Taken with Instagram at Cheesecake...

Fri, 08 Jul 2011 03:44:32 -0400

Asian driver or golf player? (Taken with Instagram at Cheesecake Factory)

"((((WIN))))"

Fri, 10 Jun 2011 13:26:05 -0400

“((((WIN))))”

- I Would Cuddle You So Hard by Dpcted Apparel on Storenvy

Your Waiter Hates You #1: If you come in with your annoying...

Sun, 29 May 2011 04:18:00 -0400

Your Waiter Hates You #1:

If you come in with your annoying family, and tell me the table is too small because you said 10, when you really meant 13. No, I cannot pull a table out of nowhere for you to add on. If I could do that, then I would burn my apron without a flame.
To boot, your wife who has three brain cells that probably do not ever like to work in unison says “sorry to be difficult,” yet asks me questions about a stupid piece of salmon. NO BUTTER. NO OIL. Yes, you douche - I understand you must keep your waning figure in line for your husband. But hey, don’t worry if Mildred has got that house in Bakersfield and that good severance, then Arnold still has your policy in check, too.
And then you’re son who thinks he’s cool, (because while he’s in high school) likes show his brilliance and make sure to note that his egg whites are scrambled within his eggs (duh, you fucktard, otherwise you would have scrambled yolks).
And then the other twin creation of a son, wants to ask me “do you think our food will take long?” for a party of 10, when you spent 15 minutes pulling me back to the table to ask me stupid questions about your order when they could have been cooking your food.
And then you, the father that breathes chauvinistic, loud, obnoxious men… asks me stupid questions. But the best is, “you know, this margarita tastes diluted.” You idiot, you stepped away from the drink and the table to make a phone call. It’s CALLED ICE, asshole… because you asked for your SHIT on the ROCKS!

Love the inflections in her voice in this cover. This and...

Mon, 16 May 2011 19:35:48 -0400

Love the inflections in her voice in this cover. This and “Someone to Watch Over Me” from GMA last year are so good. Hopefully, GaGa releases a jazz standards album (would be so different) and it would just be out of the norm, great, and so good.

Celebrity crushes…

Thu, 05 May 2011 13:47:31 -0400

Kyan Douglas

Andy Cohen

Celebrity crushes…

“So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come...

Tue, 26 Apr 2011 15:37:42 -0400

“So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, “What about the strain on our resources?” Well it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. ‘cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.” -Cher Horowitz

One of the best things in life is a beautiful card!

Tue, 26 Apr 2011 15:21:10 -0400

One of the best things in life is a beautiful card!